Ozzie and I were accosted by two new squirrels the other morning. I've named them Chip and Dale. Yes, I realize their namesakes were chipmunks, but it seems fitting, since they worked in tandem, unlike Fred.
We came to the corner of a backyard privacy fence on our Saturday morning walk, and I spotted them with my "squirrelly sense". There they were at the other end of the fence. I considered my options. If all went well, they would just sit there on the other end of the fence, or run further away as any normal squirrel would. Squirrels for the most part have the social distancing down (except for FRED). But no, these were not normal squirrels. My nemesis had obviously gotten to them.
The two furry demons came running straight towards us, galloping across the top of the fence like it was an open field of daisies or something. What was I to do? Run for it? No, they were a lot faster than me. I stopped...and so did they. We were less than a foot from each other, as their beady black eyes bore into mine, the pair huddled together. One gripping the top of the fence with his creepy little squirrel fingers, ready to pounce. The other, rubbing tiny rodent fingers together, planning their next move. I wasn't sure what they had in mind, neither was Ozzie. He just looked up at me as if to say, "I'm trusting you Mama, don't let them get me."
I thought, maybe if I walked slowly, making no sudden moves, they would let me pass. They weren't armed, as of yet, with any acorns. They were safely at shoulder height, with no branches to get above and pee on us, so we were temporarily safe. We risked it! That's when they jumped right in front of us, launching themselves without a running start like a shotgun, over the four foot expanse of the sidewalk to the closest Crepe Myrtle. I screamed like a girl and Ozzie just looked at me like "What's the problem?"
I hate squirrels, I really, really hate squirrels. #ozzie #fred #michelenimtz
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